A Meeting So Pure

June 25, 2024

I thought we finally had it solved. It was all behind us. We finally created a method to get everyone’s face on the screen at the same time. They are on the screen at the same time and are essentially the same size. Problem solved. The evolution of the meeting is complete. We have achieved the impossible. Pure uncut, unadulterated equity. Equity at a level thought impossible just a few short pandemics ago.    

But it was short lived. It is back to the drawing board for us. “Back-to-Work” reared its hideous head and now we are faced with the new reality of the actual conference room itself. How can we achieve this level of equity in the conference room for the in-office participants? Maybe this is a problem beyond the AV industry’s ability to solve. Maybe we turn to alternate technologies as a solution.  

A Democracy of Aromas
First, let us examine a recent meeting equity challenge met by our high-level research team. Zoom and Teams have quickly covered the sight and sound senses needed to conduct a meeting. We originally thought that was enough, that is until the pandemic began. We introduced air-quality sensors to the meeting space to check circulation. But that was not satisfactory for our team.  

The Farm quickly surmised that we could use an array of air quality sensors connected to the control system, and subsequently to Teams or Zoom to provide a multi-dimensional aroma detector. Now the far end of the call could know when a new aroma was introduced to a room, and possibly who “presented” such an aroma. Ordinarily, this was a huge differentiator for the near-end and far-end experiences. The knowledge of direction, velocity, and magnitude of the aromatic event is now a truly shared experience. 

A Uniform Mug
Now we move on to what is a greater challenge. That challenge is to create the same experience in the conference room that the distant callers are having on the far end. The far end, using our new AI inspired tools, can see each face presented on the screen at approximately the same size. A standard shaped conference table does not allow for that experience in the room. Each participant is inherently closer to some participants than others, creating the illusion of a larger face. In many cases, an unfairly large face. At first, we considered a 3-D conference room table, with some participants directly above and below others, as well as dispersed horizontally, to mitigate the distance problem. This initially worked, but it was quickly determined that the “point of view” angle proved offensive to some. Some seating was “preferred”, and equity was not achieved.  

It Gets Weirder
Next, we assembled a simple arrangement of harnesses, small, motorized pully systems, and were able to suspend participants at equal distances in both dimensions. Orientation was achieved, but some participants needed to be in an “inverted” position to maintain true equity. Now, beverage equity entered the fray as a new problem yet faced. The harness system was abandoned, and we moved on.

We are now using a combination of Jetpack and autonomous drone technology to suspend the meeting participants in the center of the room in both dimensions facing each other at an equal distance (with some adjustments for those with small faces). To achieve true equity, the room itself is now rotating periodically on both horizontal and vertical axis while the participants rotate in similar yet opposite fashion. Imagine a “gyroscope within a gyroscope” scenario. A happy byproduct achieved is now known as “vomit equity”. This is not an inexpensive proposition. But there is one more step.

Now, to provide the vomit experience at home is the next hurdle. A simple “Tommy Lee of Mötley Crüe” desk/chair system provide a similar rotational experience at home. So now all the participants can be simultaneously spinning, twisting, vomiting, drinking sodas, and having the same size face on the screen. Add in fart detection, surround sound, screaming babies, dogs barking, “Ring” doorbell alerts, and simple toilet flushes and we are there.

Oh no… MOBILE USERS!!! Mobile users will be required to climb into a barrel similar to those of old Niagara Falls folklore. Then they will be rolled out of the back of a moving U-Haul van traveling at 25 mph.    

At The Farm we work tirelessly to provide the perfect meeting experience for you and your enterprise, even if it means vomiting in a barrel tossed from a U-Haul. We get you.

-John Hood